An Addendum

I watched a documentary this morning and this struck me to the core:

"The cheapest way of getting the feeling that we are a group, a family, a something, is to make an Other." Brian Zachary Mayer, For the Bible Tells Me So, 2007

Perhaps this is the root of the problem I spoke of in my previous post?

Words are big

I've been thinking this week about the things we say and how they influence what we think. And what we think in turn influences what we say. It's kind of a chicken and egg situation; which came first?

It stemmed from a conversation I had with a co-worker. She'd had a big fight with her boyfriend and is mature enough to own her role in the situation, but then she said to me, "really, can we women ever be made happy?" And it was like she had flipped a switch in me and I suddenly got very opinionated and passionate. Because YES. We can be made happy. We ARE happy. We are happy with quite little actually (generally speaking). This stereotype that women are high-maintenance and demanding is very damaging, and the more we make statements like "women can never be made happy" the more we reinforce the stereotypes in our own heads. And that's not helping our cause any.

This extends so far beyond stereotypes about women. The same can be said for the off-handed things we say about men: "Men are jackasses." "All men want is sex." etc. Even common phrases that people use without thinking ("that's retarded," "that's so gay") only serve to reinforce stereotypes (not to mention they are highly offensive). Or what about the ways we pigeon-hole our children with toys that only boys should play with or colours that only girls should wear. And how about the things we attribute to certain religions, painting all followers of that religion with the same (predominantly negative) strokes.

When we use stereotypical language or action, we are contributing to a close-minded society, one that places people into boxes, limits them to certain behaviours and opportunities, and, ultimately, fuels hate and prejudice.

I believe that love and acceptance are born out of open-mindedness. I wholeheartedly believe that the things we say can either reinforce stereotypes, and thus perpetuate a world full of hate and intolerance, or they can present a new way of thinking about something/one that might just lead to a society full of diverse, yet united people.

Think about the things you say. Do you inadvertently reinforce stereotypes with your words? Stop it.

(For the record, I'm guilty of this too. And I too need to stop it.)

How did I get here?

These days I feel a bit like a teenager. The angst. Oh, the angst! I am easily angered, sometimes filled with inexplicable anxiety, and more rebellious than is characteristic of me. No, no, I'm not being self-destructive, don't worry. But I am less inclined to simply do what is expected of me. And why? For what?

I ask myself those questions every day.

Let me be perfectly clear. This process is not easy on me. I am not taking this lightly. But I maintain that all of it is okay. All of this is normal. I am not the first do undergo this process, I won't be the last, and I will be better for it in the end.

The emotional journey is telling, though. I can't even describe how much guilt I have these days. I feel guilty that I'm not going to church (and I get asked ALL THE TIME "where are you going to church these days?" And how do I answer? "I haven't settled anywhere just yet." Because it's easier than getting into everything.) I feel guilty for avoiding places where I might be put on the spot to pray or have overly spiritualized discussions, because I just can't handle it right now. And the guilt makes me angry. Why do I feel guilty? Why do I have to feel guilty? Why is my faith a list of rules that I have to follow?

See? Teenager.

This is a vulnerable place. There is great risk that I can easily take on views and beliefs of other people, simply because I'm in a state of confusion and I'm thirsty for answers. Thankfully, I'm quite well aware of this danger and therefore can take measures to protect myself. I'm doing a lot of reading these days, but I'm trying to make sure it's balanced. Both sides of the issue are being represented. I'm also limiting exposure to people who are entrenched on one side or the other, who may have too much influence on me as I try to figure out where I stand. The last thing I want to do is simply take on another dogma. I want to re-build my faith and have it be something that I own. Will it be influenced by others? Of course. I'm not so arrogant to think that I can answer all the questions that people have been asking for centuries. But I am determined to think for myself.

More of us should probably do this.