Magical Grasshoppers

True Story. This summer we had a grasshopper infestation. They were mostly confined to the basement, however we found two upstairs in our living room. Upstairs. I know that grasshoppers jump obviously, and that they would be able to find their way upstairs, but how without us noticing??

H'anyways. For awhile we thought that the Meadowood boys had maybe gotten us back from when we turned their kitchen into a beach in summer by invading our house with grasshoppers. Alas, it was not them. We do not know how the grasshoppers got into our house. We do not know. It's disturbing.

We thought the grasshopper infestation was over, seeing as it is winter. Last night I went into my bedroom (which is upstairs by the way) and there was a grasshopper sitting on my floor. How did it get there and why is it there in winter?

I grabbed a shoe and hit the grasshopper very hard. Then it dissapeared. DISSAPEARED! I don't know where it went. It was not on the bottom of my shoe. It was not on the carpet. It was nowhere in the surrounding area. There is no way it survived the whack I gave it. So where did it go? I don't know and it is disturbing me.

The grasshoppers have magical powers.

A Time for Confession

I'm a snob. No, seriously! I can really be a bitch. I'm not saying this facitiously or to draw attention to myself. I say this with no humor and with zero pride. This is an honest confession from a repentant heart.

I find myself looking down on others sometimes. I've thought a lot about my tendency to do this and I think I can trace it back to elementary school when I was the subject of extensive bullying. I've concluded that now that I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable with myself and I have plenty of wonderful, loving friends, I want to be the one who is exclusive, I want to control who is in my close circle of friends, I want my chance to be in the spotlight. That's a hard confession to make.

It's strange though isn't it? Most people who have been bullied are even more socially aware of those who are on the fringe of the group. Why have I gone the other way? I would never call myself a bully, but I am definitely a snob. On the other hand, I have huge compassion for people, but it seems that only for those people who I see as "worthy." I am heading into ministry. I must change this aspect of myself.

Lately God has speaking to this area of my life consistently. After Justin and I broke up, I stopped going to College and Career at our church. There were plenty of reasons for this, one being that it is just too hard to be in the same place as him at this point. However, there are a couple other reasons that are not nearly as legitimate. For one, I thought that I was too good for C&C. The group is very young this year and I have little patience for immaturity. So I deemed myself far more mature than them and decided I was too old for College and Career. And also, there are some people there who I have a very hard time loving. There is a particular group of girls that Justin has become friends with since we broke up. Initially it was the jealousy that got the best of me, but I got over that. Now it's just the way they look at me. They glare. I feel so much judgment and scorn coming from their direction. I am the hated ex girlfriend. Whether I have imagined it or not, it's there.

Yesterday I was singing on the worship team at church and I was standing onstage when they walked into the sanctuary. I started to shake and couldn't shake the feeling they were judging me. When the team sat down for the sermon I found myself praying that God would calm my heart and instead, he started to convict me. I had just finished saying to myself, "Dana, it doesn't matter what they think, you are not up there for them. You are there for God's glory and his glory alone. You cannot change their attitude toward you." And then the Holy Spirit whispered to me, 'You can't change their attitude toward you, but you can change your attitude toward them."

Wow. Talk about a kick in the pants. I've been so busy playing the victim here that I hadn't really realized that I could do something. That I HAD to do something. My attitude has been anything but Christian. I desire to live like a woman of God bur there are some ugly things inside of me.

So this is my confession to you. This is my next project. It's baby steps that sometimes go backwards, but I want to take responsibility for my life and the patterns I have chosen to create. I don't want to be a snob. I want to radiate God's love.

As a worship team we sang a new song (well, new to me anyways) for communion. I quickly grew to love it and it is my new prayer as I work through these things.

A Pure Heart - Rusty Nelson

A pure heart
That's what I long for
A heart that follows hard after Thee
A pure heart
That's what I long for
A heart that follows hard after Thee

A heart that hides your Word
So that sin will not come in
A heart that's undivided
But one you rule and reign
A heart that beats compassion
That pleases you, my Lord
A sweet aroma of worship
That rises to your throne

Breakup Blues

I hate the breakup blues. Perhaps the most frustrating part is that I don't even entirely know what emotion is behind them at this point. Is it just plain old anger? Left over hurt? Loneliness?

Breakup blues always hit at the most inopportune time. Like tonight when I need to teach myself half a semester worth of biology.

Dang you, breakup blues. Dang you to heck.

23, The Golden Year?

Hello friends, I'm back. After a lengthy hiatus from blogging, I am thinking I may make return every now and again. I've even updated my blog and made it all pretty and things. Don't you like it? I know you do.

Life has been interesting of late. How do I even begin? I've been rereading old blogs that I've written and have been marvelling at how much I have changed. A little more than a year ago I had a bit of a mini life-crisis before I turned 22. Perhaps you remember this post? I realized that I was very dissatisfied with how I was living my life and when I turned 22 I reevaluated what was important to me and who I wanted to be. My motto for the year was "a whole new me by 23."

I see now that that was perhaps a large goal, but the year proved to be very interesting and life-changing. Much of my time was occupied by a certain boy and that was fun. Perhaps a little all-consuming, but fun none-the-less. I loved dating and I loved being in love. I am made for relationship and that is now clear.

However, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the lack of direction in my life. I had struggled for the past three years to determine a professional goal and my job in the financial industry just was not challenging me. Slowly, (although it seemed very sudden!) God began nudging me in the direction of vocational ministry. I've always said I never wanted to be a pastor. Never say never.

God has awakened in me this huge passion for people and ministry and developing leaders. I returned to school this year to finish my BA in Theology, this time with a clearer purpose. I have become involved in my church, in worship and small group development, and while I am terrified of actually getting paid to do this, I am learning to trust God to guide me.

I feel as though I have come into my own. When I turned 23 a month ago, my friends told me, "23 is the best year yet." At the time I had a hard time believing them. 23 started out pretty rough. Working through a break-up with someone I loved passionately was the hardest thing I've done yet, despite my clear understanding that it was the right thing. It is a horrific thing, to have to adjust to life without someone you loved and I cannot fathom the pain of a divorce or widowhood. I have had only the smallest glimpse of that pain and I could barely stand up under it at times.

However, like they all told me, time does heal. Oh, I'm not healed yet, but God has started to reawaken me with His joy. I have a new appreciation for myself, something I've never felt until now. I am proud of myself for listening to God's call in my life and making a very hard choice, for having the courage to stand in the middle of the pain and for refusing to back down in the eye of the storm. I have a direction for my life, one that is taking me on a journey of living God's will, a life of obedience. I have amazing friends and feel love pouring over me from many directions. I am blessed. And God is faithful.

I've Found Me

Strength, Courage and Wisdom
by India.Arie

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
It's been illusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found


Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my faith
It's been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my faith
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found


Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me


I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.


Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:


Strength, courage, and wisdom
To find me, yeah,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me


I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

Sometimes things happen that no one can explain.

There is so much tragedy in this story that I don't even know where to begin.
My parents have very good friends, Ron and Diane Toews whom they have known since Bible School days. Our families got together occasionally growing up and I remember their kids as being talented, good looking and kind hearted. Yesterday my dad called me with the news that their son Nathan had been killed on Friday. He was 23. He, his wife, his brother and his 8 month pregnant sister-in-law were travelling to Calgary so Nate could lead worship in a friend's wedding on Saturday. As Nate was driving, an oncoming semi lost control and the trailer hit the Toews' car. Nate died instantly, his sister-in-law who was in the passenger seat is in critical condition (they delivered the baby and the baby boy is fine...named after his uncle who never got to meet him) and the two in the back seat were fine. Well, physically fine.
Nate and Rosanna were newly-weds, married less than 2 years I think. Now she's a widow.
Nate had just started a new job as the worship pastor at the church where my brother serves as the youth pastor. They're good buddies and my brother was so excited to be able to work with Nate. A church is without a pastor now.
Ron and Diane were on their way back from Africa when the accident happened. There was no way to reach them. They arrived at the airport last night to the news that their son was dead, their daughter-in-law might not make it and their world was entirely different.
I don't know what breaks my heart the most.
Situations like these make me wonder where the good is. How is God working in this? I know he is, but it sure is hard to see through all the tragedy. I spent a lot of time last night asking God why this had happened. A young woman's dreams for a life with a husband, raising a family, are shattered. Brothers who have lost a best friend. A newborn baby who will never know his namesake. A younger sister who has lost a role model. Parents whose hearts are broken. How do you explain this?
If you're the praying type, now would be a good time.

This is for Jenivere. She said I needed a new post. So here it is. Not very exciting, but here all the same.
I just got back last night from Coaldale Alberta. It was a very fun, very fast trip. The occasion was my good friend Michelle's wedding, and we drove out on Friday and drove back on Sunday. Way too much time spent in a car but absolutely worth it. She was so beautiful. And the wedding was a lot of fun. It was like a big CBC reunion with all our bible school friends. But if I never see the back seat of my car again, that would be fine with me.
Now I am back and enjoying a day off before I go back to work tomorrow. Sorry for the boring post.

It's a lazy kind of day

It's my day off today. I love days off...especially when I have nothing pressing that needs to get done. There are a ton of things I could get done, ie: go shopping for an outfit for all the May weddings I am going to, or organize all kinds of things in my house. But, no, today I am allowing myself to be lazy.

I have spent pretty much the entire day in bed, not neccessarily sleeping, but reading or wasting copious amounts of time on websites like Facebook and Myspace. Speaking of Facebook, I don't really like it, but I have reconnected with so many childhood friends from Coaldale that I am now thoroughly addicted. It's a dangerous game, that Facebook is.

I need to talk about this book that I've been reading over that last few days. Justin and I went to a Christian bookstore on Friday and found a book call "Questions Worth Asking Before the Ring". We bought it because it had cartoons in it and it looked funny. A lot of it is just common sense and I wouldn't have dreamed of telling everybody that we actually bought a book like this, but it's really made me think a lot about my role in our relationship, and I think that Satan is starting to have a heyday with me over it. This book just goes through major issues that arise in relationships and what to watch out for, trends, personality traits and habits that people have that should make us stop and think before meeting this person at the altar. And I've concluded that I am a terrible girlfriend. The thing is, I don't actually think that I am, but this book highlights a lot of things that I think I do wrong. I'm selfish, childish sometimes, I'm in a hurry to get married, I get concerned when Justin wants time alone that I have done something wrong, I am insecure and the list goes on. Stupid book! What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be mature, after all I am the older one in this relationship. But with every chapter I read, I find things that I am doing wrong and find myself thinking that Justin is perfect and why is dating me? I suck. There's nothing like a good relationship book to point out every failure in your life and show you what to work on. This all sounds so very negative and while a lot of it really does bother me, I like knowing that there are things that I need to work on. I need to learn to let him go a little, I need to not be selfish of him and I need to spend more time with my girlfriends. I need to work on being joyful even when life sucks, I need to not play childish games when I get mad at him. It gives me a project. Me. And I'm always a good project. Anyways.

I'm going to get back to being lazy now.

Here's a picture to leave you all with, for no other reason than the fact that I like pictures on blogs:

This is us having a very physical Easter egg hunt. It was amusing for those watching.

Uh huh. That's right.

I really wanted to go see John. The thing is, I was too poor to buy tickets. Today my wonderful, amazing, fan-fricken-tastic roommate informed me that her parents are giving her 4 tickets to the Cargill box for his concert on April 26. That's right. I'm going to see my friend John, box seats, for free. You only wish you were as cool as me.

Man vs. Woman

I got this as an email from my brother. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. In fact, my roommate came upstairs to see why I was choking on my supper. Not even joking. Laughing until choking.
The information in this email is surprisingly true. I actually didn't realize how true it was until I got into a realtionship. Then I realized how different men and women are. This email points out really how different they are. The truth that it tells was re-enforced by how loudly Justin laughed when he read it.
Enjoy, friends.

Man vs. Woman: The shower

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband
along the
way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror,
make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown
and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
And leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way,
Shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the
shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
And make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on her pillow.

They Say

They say "practice what you preach"
But how do you practice trust?

They say "faith heals all"
But how do you hang onto faith when things seem to be slipping away?

They say "love happens when you least expect it"
But once you stop expecting it to come, how do you expect it to stay when it arrives?

They say that "to be loved you must love yourself first",
But how do you put aside your fears and insecurities when you've allowed yourself to become vulnerable to someone else?

They say "there is nothing to fear but fear itself"
But how do you stop being afraid of a broken heart and shattered dreams?

They say that "great love comes with great risk"
But how do you convince your heart that the potential of huge reward is greater than the possibility of losing it all?

For these questions I have no answers
I have only a quiet voice in my heart saying,

"Be still and know, that I am God,
I am the Lord that healeth thee"

So I try to remain here with my hands open and say,

"In thee, O Lord, I put my trust."

A New Year

Happy New Year Friends.
I'm not really in the blogging mood, so I'm just mostly going to post some pictures about what has happened in the last two weeks. I got a new camera for Christmas and it has been well used thus far.

Caleb was out for two weeks. He can't possibly get any cuter.

Oh wait, maybe he can.

We got a huge snowstorm and on New Years Eve woke up to a lot of snow. This is what the driveway looked like..

We had to climb over the balcony to get out of our house.

But I had to get to work so we spent 2.5 hours shovelling our driveway and half of the street in front of our house.

I burst a blood vessel in my arm doing all this shovelling.

This past Friday the boys had us over for supper. It then nturned into a giant slumber party back at our house. Fun times have been had. And it's not letting me upload any pictures from that event. Sorry.