Spiritual PMS

Is there such a thing? If there is I think I might have it. Somehow I don't think the pharmacy sells an over-the-counter pill for it...

I'm going through a dry spell spiritually. God doesn't feel all that close and it seems like a far hike to get back. I'm having a hard time wanting to pray and when I do, my prayers seem to hit the ceiling and fall right back into my lap. Lately I've been involved in lots of meetings where I am forced to pray out loud. I used to not mind that so much. Now I loathe it. I can't think of anything to say and everything feels so disjointed. Even my body feels weird...my eyes are closed but I feel like everything is spinning. I don't like it.

One of my goals this year was to read through the Bible. I did really well for january and february. I haven't touched my Bible much since then and I know it is a root cause of the spiritual desert I find myself in. But now I'm so far behind I feel like I can't catch up.

This just leaves me so frustrated. I'm working in a church for goodness sake...I'm technically a pastor right now! Pastors aren't supposed to be in a spiritual desert. The mountain just looks so steep...






I am just so grouchy today.

Mmm, ironic?

So God has funny timing. You know how I just posted about how Manitoba has become home? Well last weekend my parents resigned at the church in Selkirk. I don't know where they're going (neither do they) but there is of course the possibility that they won't stay in Manitoba. This place is home, but will it still be home when I'm the only one left here?

Feels Like Home to Me

I've lived in Manitoba for nearly nine years now (including the two years I spent at CBC). Before that I lived in Alberta for fifteen years; thirteen of the those years were spent on the very farm my father grew up on. The last two years were spent living in the house my grandma lived in for as long as I can remember...it was my second home in a variety of ways.

Moving to Manitoba wasn't easy. I wanted to stay in Coaldale, I wanted to keep my friends, I wanted to graduate from the same high school that my dad, sister and brother all graduated from. I wanted to stay at home. For these reasons and more, I refused to allow Manitoba to become home. I bided my time, knowing that I had to endure three years of high school before I could move to BC for Bible college and I had no intentions of returning to this "waste land" as I called it. Alas, financial pressures being what they are in life, and the economy being what it is in the west, I did return to Manitoba after Bible school. And still, Manitoba did not feel like home to me.

It's four years later, and just now am I beginning to be able to call Winnipeg "home." It's not that I think I will stay here forever, because I highly doubt I will, but I have a life here now. I have a church home where I am involved, appreciated and nurtured. I have extremely close friends in a variety of networks, many of whom I can't bear to be separated from for any length of time. I have a house (well, sort of). I finally have allowed myself to feel at home here.

So how come whenever I travel to Alberta my eyes fill with tears as soon as I enter the province? Why am I instantly enveloped in this comforting sense of really being home when I cross the border? Why do I still instinctively know that there is nothing like the Alberta sky? Why is west my favorite direction? Why do I have this hard knot in my stomach, like I'm going the wrong direction, that I'm leaving something extremely important behind that gets farther and farther away with each passing mile road as we head back to Manitoba?

I guess I'll always be an Alberta girl.

Hrmmm

I have three exams this week (for which I have just started studying today...) One exam is on preaching. Another is on my spirituality. The third is on counseling.

Is it just me or are these three of the least testable subjects around?

Self Soothing

Parents have to teach their babies to self-soothe at some point. The ones who don't learn to self-soothe usually cause their parents all kinds of grief, ie. waking them up multiple times in the night for comfort. They also generally grow up to become less well-adjusted adults. Self-soothing is an important life skill.

I think God has given us copious self-soothing tools in Scripture. I have forgotten this lately and have simply allowed myself to feel increasingly oppressed by the amount of anger and hurt there remains to be healed.

" But what can I say? He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this. I will walk humbly all my years because of the anguish in my soul.

Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too. You restored me to health and let me live.

Surely it was for my benfit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.

For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down in the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living - they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers and mothers tell their children about your faithfulness."

~ Isaiah 38:15-19

Sometimes I forget that I have the ability to self-soothe.

Punk'd

Props to the Meadowood boys. Triple props in fact.


Six months ago we Mapleridge girls decided it was time to bring back the old-school business of pranking. None of us had pranked since Bible school days and we were feeling the urge. The Meadowood house is a group of four of our closest male friends. They made for easy targets.


We knew they would be out of town one weekend. We convinced dear sweet Ben that we wanted to pull a prank on Garry only (this was not a lie at the time). So dear sweet Ben left us his house key. When we got inside we realized our original prank was not going to work so we had to come with plan B. So we turned their kitchen into a beach. Complete with an inflatable palm tree. And gold fish in a blow up pool. And in their kitchen sink. And we took a picture of us three on the beach and saved it as the desktop picture on every computer we could find. Oh and we had the Beach Boys CD blaring for when they got home. It was classic. This is what it looked like.







We have waited nervously for six months. I had visions of dead goldfish turning up in random places.


Tonight at 10:03 our doorbell rang. Alicia opened the door, quickly slammed it shut and said, "There are chickens at our door."



What?! Uh huh. Three chickens between our screen door and inside door. Alive. Wearing diapers. Pecking at the door. Pooping. Chickens.







Thankfully the culprits were still hanging around, watching and laughing at us as all three of us jumped off our balcony to get outside, because there was no way we were opening the door from the inside. They took the chickens away for us (I don't even want to think about what's going to happen to the poor things). But they left the poopy diapers. And a basket full of decorated eggs. And a CD of the Chicken Dance song.



Apparently Barbara foiled their original plan. We were all supposed to be gone this afternoon and the boys were going to break into our house, put poly down in our kitchen and leave the chickens in there. Which would have been extra hilarious. Alas, Barbara was home and thus saved us a different sort of mess.



Hilarious, cute prank. The kind we like. Good for more than a few laughs.

Disjointed conversations

This is a conversation I had tonight with Janessa. This is a mere sample of what happened over the course of the evening. If I had a gong, I would ring it.

Janessa: (trying to get comfortable on the couch, eventually wedging her foot between cushions which are now haphazardly strewn on the couch) "Ah, finally."

Me: (with one eye on the Calgary Flames game in the background) "Yeah, this....couch....sometimes is a...little.... "(trailing off)

Janessa: (long pause) Uh....

Me: "Yeah, that was the end of the sentance."

Janessa: (without missing a beat) "I kind of wish I was dating Joelle!"

Consider the gong rung.

Grief's a bitch

There's this thing with grief. It doesn't really go away completely. Oh, it lessens, sure, how much really depends on the kind of grief and what you're grieving, but it does lessen to some extent. And as time passes the episodes of intense grief space out. They still come and are usually just as intense as if the grief was fresh, but the time between them lengthens.

Today grief came right up and bit me in the ass.

Banned from soft surfaces

So I'm not allowed to sit on soft chairs or couches for a little while. That's a sucky deal. You see I've been at the gym pretty hard core for a couple of weeks now, as in five or six times a week, trying to train for this 5k run in May. My times have been getting better and life is wonderful.

Until this week.

First on Monday my ankle was SUPER sore when I stopped running. Like, so sore that I almost couldn't put weight on it. But you know me, I run through it. The next day, it was ok, but when I was running, again it hurt really badly. Again, just ran through it. By Wednesday I could barely walk. You see, when something is injured, you have to adjust so that you can still run, if you are determined to run. So the sore ankle in turn produced very sore calves, hips and suddenly a very sore knee. The strangest thing about this all was that it was all on the right side of my body. The healthy side. Any major injuries I've had have been to the left side of me, ankle, knee, collarbone, fingers, etc. The right side, while being far from perfect, remained relatively healthy (except for my knee).

So suddenly the right side decided it needs some attention. So whatever, muscle pain in my legs I can handle. It goes away. I can run through that.

Except my knee kept getting worse to the point where I can't really bend it back properly. And then my back had to make it's presence known. (As I write this, I feel like I am 80 years old with all of my ailments). So my back. It's always been weak, because I have an abnormal joint in my pelvis and I also damaged a disk on my L4 vertebrae. Sometimes when I walk (usually when something is wrong, as I am learning) my lower back clicks. Actually, it's kind of like bones grinding together, producing a clicking feeling. Not pleasant. So today the pain kicked in and I finally dragged myself to the chiropractor. The verdict: pelvis joints not wroking properly. They're stuck somehow. The treatment: No running and no sitting on soft chairs or couches.

Boo-urns.

Almost. Over.

I'm. Almost. Done. Ugggggghhhhhhh.

That about sums it up, folks. By next Monday I will be finished my major projects for the semester. Praise. The. Lord. However, before then I actually have to do the work. Dang. I have to write two short sermons (which I hope to do today) and a major research paper on psychology and evil (which I haven't exactly started so much). These things are all due on Monday. The sermons will be done by then for sure, because really, I don't actually have a choice, I must preach them that day. But we will see about the research paper. I'm hoping to get it done. But I make no promises.

Procrastination is a killer. It used to be, in my previous undergraduate years, that I would kind of put things off, but they would always get done on time. Even if I had been really bad with procrastinating, I was never super stressed out because I knew things would all get finished. Then I went to CMU, had a killer year in which nearly everything in my second semester was handed in late and suddenly I realized that I am capable of procrastinating on things to the point where they cannot possibly get finished on time. This year I have been very diligent in getting my work done, sometimes even early! Then I went away for reading week and everything went to pot. I can't find an ounce of motivation in my body. As I write this, I am keenly aware that I am rambling just to put off writing my sermons. I went to bed at 10:00 last night just so I didn't have to try to make myself do homework. I finally got up at 8 this morning when the guilty feelings wouldn't let me sleep anymore.

I loathe writing papers. If all I ever had to do was read, I would be a terrific student. Someday I hope to get a doctorate. The writing involved there is going to kill me I think. That is, if I survive the rest of this week...

Just Say No

No. I'm not writing a paper right now. I don't wanna. So I'm just not doing it, ok? Oh, I feel so guilty. I really need to write a paper. But I sooooo don't wanna.

Anyone want to come distract me???

A Rant

So I've been mentally making a list of everything that confuses/annoys me about people at the gym. The time has come to blog that list. Now, I try not to judge people. When I see people at the gym, I tend to think, "well great, at least they're at the gym! Good for them!" but there are some things that are just so retarded that I must vent about them. Here goes.

Things that confuse/annoy me about people at the gym:

- girls who workout while wearing a thong. I can't think of anything more uncomfortable. **This is something that I would have to notice in the locker room I guess, but it still applies. And no I am not purposely looking at other girls, you sickos, you just see things sometimes.
- girls who swim for exercise in a bikini. I'm sorry, but there's just not a lot of support in a bikini. Put on a one-piece to swim laps, would you?
-people who don't observe time limits on the cardio machines. Do you realize that if you don't end on time you start a domino effect of disaster? Because then I can't start on time which means either I don't end on time and thus screw over the next person or I don't get to finish my workout. And then I am really pissed.
- running as fast as you possibly can on the treadmill (or hiking at the steepes incline) while holding onto the handlebars. This does not actually do you any good. If you cannot exercise your whole body weight at that intensity, then decrease the intensity.
- people who come to the gym in every day clothes. Like jeans. And studded belts. Gosh.
- people who come to the gym in flip-flops. What the hell do you think you are going to be able to do in flip-flops? GOSH.
- old men who wear shorts that are so short that they leave little to the imagination.
- people who sit idly on exercise equipment and proceed to text people on their cell phones. What did you come to the gym for, people??
- people who run with their arms down at their sides as though they are carrying suitcases. I'm no running expert, but even I would say that's bad form!
- people who choose the "forrest walk" program on the treadmill. Get off my f-ing treadmill. Go home. You'll burn more calories cleaning your house. Forrest walk, my ass...

How to Date Your Best Friend

What follows in this blog may sounds strange to those of you who have never had a similar experience. It will also sound strange to the male gender because it turns out they experience friendships very differently from us women. Anyways, this is the story of my best friend Joelle and I.

This friendship was orchestrated in heaven. That is the only way to describe it, honestly. These kinds of relationships cannot be forced, they are truly a gift from God. Joelle and I were acquaintances through friends from church. We knew each other but not well. In January 2006 we both went on a college and career retreat with church. I couldn't tell you how or when it happened, but that weekend we became inseparable. What followed looked very much like a dating relationship.

We are not homosexual, I feel like I should clarify that. Nor are we bisexual. Just to be clear. This was like a dating relationship, but it wasn't. Again, just to be clear.

Joelle and I had our first date at the cheap seats. We went to see Failure to Launch. It was pretty funny. As we were leaving we noticed that The Family Stone was playing in just over an hour. We went across the street for coffee at Starbucks and came back to watch the second movie. It was wonderful. We never ran out of things to talk about and we laughed until our sides hurt.

After that we went everywhere together. You know how when you are dating someone you never have to worry about having to go somewhere alone? That's what this was like. Everyone knew that where one of us would be, the other would be as well. We never went anywhere separately.

You know how when you start dating someone you see them to the exclusion of everyone else? That was us. We were enamoured with each other. We didn't need to hang out with anyone else. We were all we needed. I was at her house or she was at mine basically every day. One night it snowed a couple of millimeters. I declared myself snowed in and we spent the night and the next day giggling and being stupid. She dated a guy for a few months and I didn't care, I hung out with them anyways. Awkward you think? Yes, but not for the reasons you might think. The guy once commented to Joelle that he felt like the third wheel with us. Hah.

We couldn't wait to bring the other one home to meet the family. I don't exactly remember when this happened but it was fun. We spent more time at Joelle's parent's house because she tended to go home more often and I became just another daughter. I love her family.

We used to laugh and joke that if neither of us ever got married we would get "knocked up" and raise our kids together. (It was a joke, don't worry, Mom.)

Joelle got married six months ago. She found the most wonderful man for her and I am so happy for her. But I do miss her. They live out of town now and I don't get to see her nearly as much. I cried for a week after her wedding. Not because I was sad she was married, I just felt like I had lost my best friend much too soon.

She came over last night and we spent the evening like in the old days. We cuddled up on the couch and reminisced about our "dating days" as we like to call them. I was just reminded about how fortunate I am to have been blessed with a best friend like her. Someone who is as in love with me as I am with her. We have never fought, we have never grown tired of each other's company, and the infatuation has never faded. She is my best friend.

Thanks, God, for my best friend.






This is us on her wedding day. The way we are laughing at each other sums up our entire relationship.

Bring on the Wine

Allow me to tell you about my day.

It started off rough. I woke up relatively early (before 8) because the sun was shining rather brightly into my room, thus waking me up from a delightful sleep. Alas, that sunshine is deceiving. It was actually -30 today. Where did the warmer weather go I would like to ask?
H'anyways, I woke up not feeling well at all. I have been down all weekend with a cold. Saturday turned into a retreat of silence for me as my darling voice decided to up and leave for awhile. Sunday I felt marginally better but this morning it seemed as though I had been hit by a truck. I was stuffed up, croaky and feeling quite miserable. But do you think I could fall back asleep? Of course not.

Eventually I got up and took a shower which made me feel marginally better. I made myself a Chocolatey Royale SlimFast shake for breakfast and took it into my room. I wanted to sit down on my bed and drink my breakfast whilst reviewing my notes for the sermon I needed to preach later in class. I set my shake on the nightstand. I went to move something else on the nightstand. That something else fell from my hand, hit my Chocolatey Royale SlimFast shake, causing it to twirl gracefully whilst spewing half its contents onto my alarm clock, nightstand, wall, pillows and carpet. Shit. Pardon the french.

I cleaned it up but I sure wished I could have gone back to bed and started the day over again.

I tried to nap. Twice. And failed. Twice.

I preached my sermon. Which actually went very well. I think. My prof offered me (and a few others) the opportunity to write two homilies and record them for a well know Christian radio talk show. I felt very honored. I don't know if I will do it, but I feel honored nonetheless.

I had a chance to hang out with my friend Jennalene. She fed me an amazing supper. It was lovely. In the course of our visit I decided I didn't feel like going to my evening class. I felt guilty of course. Actually as I left her house and walked toward the building, I decided that I should really go to class. But I decided that I would first go to Starbucks and reward myself for actually going to my class. I got into my car. And I ended up at home. With a DQ Blizzard in my hand. Not quite sure how that happened.

So I just came home and relaxed. Which is nice when you feel as crappy as I currently do. I had a candlelight bubble bath with a deliciouss glass of wine (which has served not only to make me drowsy but also to plug up "by dose.") Lovely. I'm calling it a day.

The Doc Said So

I have a sore throat. I happened to be at the doctor today for something completely unrelated and got her to check my throat, seeing as I was already there and everything. She said it's just a cold (which I figured).

She said to rest. So I am going to take a nap and put off writing my sermon even more.

She also said to drink lots of fluids. So I had a Caramel Frappuccino from Starbucks.

Thursday Thirteen

I'm going to take a stab at a Thursday Thirteen. I figure it's a good way for people to find out a little bit more about me. So here we go: Thirteen Random Facts About Dana

1. I have a freckle on my right eye. I know, freaky right?
2. I hate gum. Like I mean really hate it. It's disgusting and should be illegal.
3. Closely related, I hate mint. Anything mint makes my stomach churn.
4. Again closely related, toothpaste grosses me out. I use it, but I hate it.(Both because it is mint and it's paste. Paste is gross).
5. I make really good scrambled eggs. Like, really good.
6. I was 23 inches long at birth. I basically came out a toddler. Could explain why I am 6 feet tall today.
7. Even though I grew up on a farm I would fail at the game "Name that crop." And no I cannot throw hay bales. I am far too weak.
8. I am extremely double jointed. Especially in my fingers.
9. I sneeze all the time. How annoying.
10. I am the youngest of three but I'm the tallest one of us all.
11. I'm still pretty afraid of the dark. Don't ever take me to a wooded park at night. It's not fun.
12. I can't cross my eyes. It really hurts.
13. My life goal was to be the first female player in the NBA. Then they started the WNBA. Stupid.

In Living Color

I am a little bit in love with this man. It's Jarome Iginla for those of you who don't follow hockey. I saw the Flames play in Minneapolis this past weekend and it was approximately the greatest afternoon of my life. We had crappy seats that were behind the highest point of the nose bleeds, but we decided to look for seats in the lower bowl and managed to watch the entire game from the 12th row. It was unbelievable. Those would have been very expensive tickets and we sat there for $40. Anyways, I feel as though my life dreams have been fulfilled now. I have been in the same building as Jarom Iginla. Nothing left to live for or accomplish. Just kidding, I'm not really that pathetic.

By the way, the Flames won. It was fantastic.

I'm off to Minneapolis to see the Flames play. So long, suckas!

My Love List

Janessa gave me this idea. She said whenever you had a bad day, just make a list of things you love and it will be impossible to be sad. And I liked that. Well my day today was just fine, but I like thinking about the things that I really love. I have no idea how long this list will be, but I'll keep going until I can't think of any more.

1. Caleb - this is my nephew who will turn 2 in June. He is the cutest toddler around. At Christmas I cuddled up to him on the couch and we watched Toy Story 2. Twice. It melted my heart.

2. Hannah - she's my neice and is 3 months old. She is just so pretty and soft and wonderful. She has this serious little frown like she's really pondering everything she's experienced in her short life. She's going to be a philosopher I think.

3. Music - I love singing but even more I love listening to great artists. I'm an ok singer, but I'd never make it as a musician so I just live vicariously through great singers! Lately the artists that have really been making my heart smile are Colbie Caillat and Sara Bareilles. They are fantastic. And honestly, John Mayer and Michael Buble always make my heart smile.

4. The Calgary Flames - I grew up in southern Alberta, so it's part of my DNA to love the Flames. Except I'm a little bit fanatical about them. I am in love with Jarome Iginla. His wife is a lucky woman.

5. Double Lolly suckers - just a good old fashioned candy

6. Hot drinks - I thought of listing them all seperately, but that would be extensive. Here's a few: hot apple cider, earl grey tea, london fogs, chai lattes...

7. Beer - honestly. Maybe it's gross or unclassy for a girl to like beer, but honestly, a cold beer on a hot day? So good. And I really don't drink it very often because I am far too poor/cheap but a nice MGD? Mmmm....

8. Driving - Is it weird that I listed it after beer? DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. EVER. But I really enjoy driving. I have a hard time letting other people drive my car...

9. Counseling - I have discovered my passion! I am taking counseling courses right now and I just love it. It's is challenging and terrifying and stimulating and I love it.

10. Kissing - do I really need to explain that? It's fun. Let's leave it there. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not a promiscuous kisser. Kissing is fun within a healthy relationship. Oh boy. This is just going downhill. Stop, Dana, just stop)

11. Being in love - I miss it. I'm not gonna lie. I'm good at being in love.

12. One on one conversations with friends - this is where the good stuff of friendships is formed. It's a fantastic way to get to know someone and to truly hear who they are, if you just listen.

13. Joelle - my bestest best friend of my entire life. She's married now and lives a ways away and that isn't so cool. But I still love her and she makes my heart smile every day.

14. God - this list is obviously not in order of how important these things are to me. Like my profile says, God sustains me, His grace overwhelms me and His love melts me. He is my Life.

15. Books - there is nothing like curling up with a good book, especially on a rainy or snowy day.

16. My bed - I just really love my bed. It's so warm and comfy. I wish I could spend a lot more time in it.

17. Babies - I LOVE babies. The infant stage is my absolute favorite. I wish they could just stay cute, cuddly babies forever. But no...they have to grow up and learn how to ask "why?" and proceed to ask it over and over and over

18. My parents - they've become my friends and I like that.

19. Weddings - I like being in love so it makes sense that I would like weddings. I just love the prettiness of everything and the celebration of love. I think it's fantastic and special.

20. Water - I'm addicted to water. There's nothing better than a glass of cold water. Not even a cold beer...

21. Horses - I have loved them my entire life. One day I do truly want to own one. Or two or three.

22. Traveling - I'm not very good at the physical part of traveling. I'm pretty impatient and I just want to be there already. But I love visiting new places and seeing the history and beauty everywhere. I need to travel some more.

23. Photography - I'd like to take a class or two, just learn how to take better pictures. But I really love photography.

24. Wendy's Honey Mustard sauce - it just tastes really good. Actually food should really be on this list because I love it.

25. Candles - so relaxing. Especially when combined with a hot drink and a bubble bath.

Alright, that list is longer than I anticipated. I have to stop. I'm sure I could come up with plenty more but I have to stop. But I'm in a really good mood now!

Diamonds are a girl's best friend...

So today I was at work and this is the conversation I had with a little old man:

Little old man: "Has no one bought you a 2-carat diamond ring yet?"

Me: "Nope, not yet. Maybe someday."

Little old man: "Well, why not?!?!"

Me: "I don't know! You'll have to ask them!"

Little old man: "Well!"

Me: "Are you going to buy me a 2-carat diamond ring?"

Little old man: "Well, I don't have one with me. And I only come in twice a year, so maybe next time!"

Me: "Well, alright, I'll look forward to it." I didn't have the heart to tell him that I handed in my resignation today and as of May 2 I will no longer be there.

Anyways, I had a good chuckle over that. And really, what a compliment! This little old man couldn't figure out why someone hadn't scooped me up and married me yet! Well, I can't figure it out either! I'm pretty fantastic! ;)

Haha, anyways, if anyone wants to buy me a 2-carat diamond ring they are more than welcome to. I'd settle for 1-carat, I guess. But no less...