Finding my way

I'm reading this book. It's called "Stones of Remembrance" by Lois Evans. This is what I read the other night:
"...fear is no match for God. He creates goodness out of grostesque situations, and in the midst of our Jordan River, we remember where the Lord has delivered us in the past. These memories are souvenir stones of God's faithfulness. God can part the waters, God can dry the riverbed, God can make a way for us. He has done it before" (pg 19).
I've read that paragraph more than a few times. I have this thing with fear. And worry. I wouldn't say that fear and worry rule me, but I have that annoying tendency to give things to God only to take it right back again. You know what I mean. I think everyone does it. Isn't it a human tendency? Anyways, if I stop and think of all the times God has proved his faithfulness in my life, I wonder why I feel like I have to worry about things for Him.
I recently finished a book called "If Men are Like Buses, then How do I Catch One" by Michelle McKinney Hammond. I know you are all laughing that I read a book with that title. Actually, that's why I bought it....because it looked amusing. Despite a lot of the crap that was in it and a lot of the advise that I do not agree with, there was one wonderful underlying message that was very strong throughout the book: rest in God. She actually says at one point, "GIVE IT A REST". That hit me really hard. This has more to do with than just wanting a relationship with a man, although this has been the area it has been easiest to apply this lesson in. God is faitihful. Why do I worry? Does the power of my worrying change whatever situation I am worrying about? I'm pretty sure the power of God has it covered. So yes I have put my worrying over my single status to rest, but I have also found other ways to apply this lesson. Shortly after reading this book I went through a rough time when my future in my job was uncertain. There was a possibility that within four days I would have been without a job and I didn't sleep because I was worrying so much. Then, as I lay in my bed, I imagined myself in the arms of God, him comforting me and me relaxing in the power of his presence. I slept like a baby that night. And God was faithful and the job situraion was resolved. It was a powerful lesson.
I think everyone goes through a roller coaster relationship with God, where at times you feel so far away from him that you don't exactly know how to get back. That's been me for the past two years or so. Eventually I became so unhappy that I finally realized that resting in him, really resting and communing with him and having an actual relationship with him was what was missing in my life. So that's also what I've been working on. Resting in a real relationship. And then two nights ago I read this, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" Psalm 42:1-2.
Have you ever felt that much urgency to spend time with God? I don't know if I have, but I sure want to. That's the kind of real relationship I want to have with Him. One where I rest and trust and remember his faithfulness and where I cannot wait to have time with Him. That's what I want.