I hurt and when I hurt, I hurt people. This past weekend was very painful and difficult for me and without going into detail, I will just say that I came home very hurt and extremely angry. Here's the problem: When I am angry, I do not wait a day or two to calm down before I confront the source of my anger. I go in like a raging bull. Now in this circumstance I believe I had a right to be hurt and angry but I did not handle it well. I said things intentionally to hurt the other person and this is killing me. I have expressed my sorrow over what I did, but I know that there is still a lot of hurt and anger over what I said. This is killing me. It's not the first time I've done this, but I sure hope it's the last. Chalk this up to another goal for this year: Learn how to control my anger. At this point I will make a horrible wife, friend, counselor, pastor, and person.
Anyone have any advice? Any words of comfort? Condemnation? It's not possible to feel worse about myself than I currently do, so don't hold back, people.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I Hurt
Posted by Dana at 5:57 PM
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3 comments:
This comment box has been sitting here for a long, time, as I search for something to say. It's an unpleasant feeling to know that we've done someone harm and feel sorry about it, but that our regrets cannot bring healing to things instantly. I have little to offer in terms of advice, as I know little of the situation and also don't know that there is any for me to offer, that you have not already done. In stead of advice then, I offer up first my understanding of your feelings, both in frustration for being hurt and then also for your own hurt for then responding to it in a way that was not productive to either side. It's easy in the moment to feel like returning hurt will take ours away, but we quickly realize afterwards that we have done nothing to improve ourselves. I say that with zero judgement in my tone but just an understanding as it's a feeling I've run into also. It's an awful feeling to hurt another.
I can tell you honestly, that this moment will pass and with you having expressed your sorrow to said person for what you've d one you've moved along the healing process, though all things take time.
I can also say that I agree with Paul in Romans 3 when he tells us that "all haver sinned and fall short of the glory of God", and in relation to your situation, we all have our fallen moments but what has the ability to redeem us is first, God, but also second, our willingness to get back up. We trip over the same thing time and time again, but that doesn't mean that we set ourselves up to fail in the bigger picture of what we want to succeed at in life (for you relationships, pastoring, and over all self). In my opinion, our fall does not define us, it's the ways in which we choose to rise that show our true character.
I think I have not much more to say except two things.
First, I leave you a bit of scripture on the bottom of this page.
Second, on an unrelated note to all of this, I would like to go for coffee with you sometime, if you have time and would like to.
"If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
Therefore you are feared"
-Psalm 130: 3-4
--
Janessa
Hey Dana,
I'm finally catching up with your blog again...I stopped visiting for a long time it seems...
And wow, you've gone through a lot, you're going through a lot.
Sorry I don't have advice for you - but I'm NOT NOT sorry that I have no condemnation - need I quote that scripture - you know the one about there being NO CONDEMNATION? And let's be honest. You would never make a terrible wife, blah, blah, blah. Come on now.
You are a beautiful, loved person that sometimes makes mistakes. Kinda like all of us. Remember?
Cheers, Dana. I'll be back to visit.
Hi Hun! It's so comforting knowing someone is going through exactly what i'm dealing with. I really appreciated your comments to my blog and i know you weren't pitying me...In fact that song and verse has already proven to be a great comfort to me through this. I've realized that i am not ready to enter into marriage because there are relationships in my life i need to work on.
your blog of anger managment caught my attention the minute i saw your profile. You see today i got in the first fight of my life...real hand-to-hand stuff. The cause was because someone pushed me over the edge with name-calling. To this minute i have no idea what i've done that got them THAT mad, but i chose the wrong course of action and struck out...physically. It was not one of my finer moments and i have the scratches and so on to show for it. I am ashamed of myself, but at the same time...so confused. This is the person i have been angry at and "blaming" for all the turmoil i have been going through since christmas, and she said everything to me that i've ever wanted to say to her.
Hearing the words of anger come out of her mouth reminded me of how much i didn't want to hurt HER that badly...and i'm sad that i was the brunt of it. I take it as a lesson from God for "do to the least of these"
I don't know if that's making you feel comforted or condemned. It is NOT my intention to make you feel condemned but to encourage you to think in the mindset of Christ. It's not easy, but anger can be controlled when you step back from yourself and see the bigger picture.
You are a beautiful loving, caring, compassionate, Spiritually motivated, and God-fearing woman. You have the qualities that will make an AMAZING wife, mother, friend, counsellor, and pastor. I encourage you to continue in your struggles knowing that by revealing your weaknesses to me, you are showing me the strength of God in you to overcome!
I love you darling!
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